In the intricate web of Polyamory, a Hinge partner occupies a unique position. They are the central figure, the bridge between two or more partners… This is a role of great responsibility, one that demands empathy, honesty, a deep commitment to communication, and above all, self-awareness.

For this entry, we’re going to delve into the intricate dynamics of being a “Hinge” partner. 

For those of you unfamiliar with this term, imagine a “V” or a “W”. The Hinge partner in polyamorous relationships is the partner at the “point”. They have multiple partners and these partners are not romantically involved with each other.  

I am a Hinge partner. John and Tim have become good friends over the years, but never romantically involved with each other.

In the intricate web of Polyamory, a Hinge partner occupies a unique position. They are the central figure, the bridge between two or more partners.  

A Hinge partner plays a pivotal role in connecting multiple individuals and they should help foster intimacy, understanding, and support for everyone involved.

This is a role of great responsibility, one that demands empathy, honesty, a deep commitment to communication, and above all, self-awareness.

If you have read any of my work or had a conversation with me centered around relationships, you know I feel that communication is the foundation of any relationship. In Polyamory, good communication is ESSENTIAL to creating and navigating multiple healthy romantic relationships.

Each partner brings their desires, needs, and boundaries to the table, no one is more important than the others.  As a Hinge partner, it is my responsibility to ensure that everyone’s voice is heard and respected – including my own.

The communication needed requires active listening, open dialogue, honest expression, and vulnerability.  When everyone at the table feels they can have these types of conversations, a steady, solid foundation is created which allows all partners and relationships to Grow and Flourish.

Let’s be real with ourselves and each other, being a Hinge partner can be rewarding, but it can also be exhausting, especially when we feel stretched thin attending to everyone’s needs, desires, and any challenges that show up along the way.

For many of us, jealousies and insecurities are bound to show up and plague our polyamorous relationships at some point in time. However, by shifting your perspective and viewing these challenges as an opportunity for growth, rather than insurmountable obstacles, you can transform jealousy into a catalyst for deeper connection and empathy.

As a Hinge, I’ve had (and still have to) confront my own insecurities head-on, going deeper to explore the root causes and learning to cultivate self-love and confidence.  

By doing your own work, you also help hold space for and give your partners “permission” to do THEIR work too.

The work is rarely fun and can suck, however, the benefits of it can bring the ability to embrace compersion and deepen your relationships.

Another common challenge of being a Hinge partner is balancing both time and attention among multiple partners.  While Love may be Infinite, Time is finite.  This makes it essential to prioritize effectively and communicate openly about scheduling needs and expectations. 

Let me emphasize COMMUNICATE OPENLY.  

This not only goes for the Hinge but their partners as well.  If one of your partners feels they need/want more time with you, they need to communicate that to you so you can have a conversation and come to a solution that works for both of you.

If you feel you need more time with one of your partners, you need to communicate that need to your other partners, so you can come to a resolution that works for ALL of you.

Not communicating your needs and desires can end up sowing seeds of resentment, and feelings of neglect, and can be devastating to your feelings of self-worth.

As a Hinge partner, it can be incredibly easy to get swept up and carried away in the needs and desires of our partners and we can end up pushing our own needs and desires down more and more.

We often forget that self-care is not some luxury, but a necessity and can be a sacred practice – a radical act of self-love and preservation. Whether it is taking time to meditate, journal, pursuing personal hobbies, taking time to relax, seeking therapy, or even simply taking a moment to breathe, prioritizing self-care allows Hinge partners to show up fully in their relationships for their partners.

Boundaries are the cornerstone of any healthy relationship, and in the realm of polyamory, they take on an even greater significance. 

Boundaries are also about self-care and self-preservation.

Hinge partners are tasked with honoring the boundaries not only within their hearts, but those of their partners as well.

It is a delicate, sometimes tricky dance that requires open communication, empathy, and above all else, a deep respect for the autonomy of each individual.

This clarity fosters trust and can minimize misunderstandings, creating a beautiful, and even sacred, space where we, our love, and our relationships can flourish.

Polyamory is a journey of constant evolution, growth, and self-discovery. Hinge partners must be willing to confront their vulnerabilities and insecurities, and embrace discomfort as a catalyst for personal growth and authenticity. 

Navigating polyamory as a Hinge partner requires finesse, empathy, and commitment to honest conversations with themselves and their partners.  So, by prioritizing open communication, setting boundaries, and embracing personal growth, Hinge partners can foster healthy, fulfilling relationships while honoring their own needs and well-being, creating a beautiful tapestry of Love and Connection.