Relationships—whether they’re familial, platonic, or romantic—require trust. And not just the warm, fuzzy kind of trust. I’m talking about the gritty, real-deal trust where you’re honest with each other, no matter how uncomfortable it gets. 

Let’s cut through the fluff and get real about a major relationship killer: communication—or the lack thereof. Have you ever been in that same old situation where you ask your partner if they’re okay with something and they say “I’m fine,” or if they need anything and reply with “nothing” then, out of nowhere, they flip out because you didn’t magically guess they were drowning in frustration or resentment? 

It’s not just frustrating—it’s a full-blown disaster.

Here’s the raw truth: no matter how empathetic or tuned-in you are, nobody has the superpower of mind-reading. So let’s ditch the fantasy and face the reality.

Relationships—whether they’re familial, platonic, or romantic—require trust. And not just the warm, fuzzy kind of trust. I’m talking about the gritty, real-deal trust where you’re honest with each other, no matter how uncomfortable it gets. 

What does that mean:

1. Trusting Yourself: If you’re struggling, own it. Don’t pretend everything’s peachy when it’s not. Trying to be a hero by keeping your issues to yourself doesn’t make you strong—it makes you a ticking time bomb.
2. Trusting Your Partner: If your partner says they’re okay, take them at their word. They’re not playing games or hiding secrets; they’re being straightforward. Believe them.
3. Trusting the Relationship: Don’t create unnecessary drama by expecting your partner to be a mind reader. Trust that they’re not out to get you or mess with your head.

Here’s where it gets toxic: 

Punishing your partner for not reading your mind isn’t just unproductive; it’s harmful and cruel. It creates a poisonous environment where nobody feels safe or understood. And let’s be honest, it’s not just frustrating; it’s destructive.

Take a look at a classic scenario: Partner B plans a night out or a weekend trip with someone else and checks in with Partner A to make sure they’re okay with it. Partner A says, “Sure, no problem.” But then, as the time approaches, Partner A starts to feel overwhelmed and instead of communicating their true feelings, they let it build up until it erupts into a full-blown argument when Partner B returns.

I’ve lived through this mess, and it’s painful to admit. I’ve struggled with communication before. I’ve been the partner who kept things to myself, who said “I’m fine” when I was anything but. This behavior didn’t just hurt one person—it hurt not only my relationship with John but also our other relationships.

I thought I had figured all of that out and then I lost my brother.

When I was eyeball-deep in learning how to live with my grief, I tried to keep up the pretense of being “okay.” John and Tim were both left feeling neglected and unloved because I wasn’t upfront about my struggles. The lack of honesty about my emotions created a toxic environment that exacerbated existing issues. I thought I was protecting them by hiding my pain, but in reality, I was just adding fuel to the fire. Both John and Tim felt isolated, and the damage was profound.

The result? A pattern of miscommunication that built up over time, leading to a series of painful arguments and emotional distance. We suffered because we were caught in a web of unspoken feelings and unmet needs; a web WE created. It wasn’t just about the grief; it was about a long-standing failure to communicate openly and honestly.

Repairing the damage has taken years of difficult conversations and intense self-reflection, and we still have work to do. It wasn’t just about addressing the immediate fallout; it was about confronting a deep-rooted habit of avoiding the truth when it comes to our challenging emotions. The process of mending those relationships required us to break down walls, face our feelings head-on, and commit to being honest with each other.

So, what’s the takeaway? Stop hiding behind false reassurances like “I’m fine” or “I don’t need anything.” If you’re struggling, speak up. If you need support, ask for it. Don’t pretend everything is okay when it’s not—that’s not strength; it’s a recipe for disaster.

Handling tough emotions directly isn’t just about avoiding fights—it’s about creating a relationship where both partners can truly see and support each other. It’s about building a connection that’s real and resilient, not one that’s crumbling under the weight of unspoken resentments and unmet needs.

Next time you’re tempted to keep your feelings to yourself or expect your partner to read your mind, remember this: Be upfront and honest and handle your emotions like a mature adult. Drop the pretense, face your feelings head-on, and communicate openly. Your relationship—and your sanity—will thank you for it. Nurturing this kind of transparency and maturity isn’t always easy, but it’s always worth it for a thriving relationship where both of you can grow.